Playoffs: Cooter's 11, Muskies 0

I wouldn't bother feeling too bad about last night's playoff drubbing. Cooter's does that to everyone. They've been on-and-off Monday champs for at least four years. Their other scores this season: 4-0, 10-1, 7-0, 1-6 (an actual loss, to the Rink Rats), 7-1 and 5-1. And most of their opponents finished in the Top 7. I'm not sure why they find it interesting to play in such a mismatched league; they're probably Yankee fans too.

Granted, I was hoping that we would not give them their best performance of the season. My plans to stack up on defense didn't really work out. Cooter broke through our D-line all the time, and by then it was all over. Luck always went their way, while our [Paul's] best shots bounced off the posts. When you're good, you create your own luck. In the second half they only scored two or three times. Did we improve, or did they get bored?

I like CSC, the league we're in. I like the playing environment, the quirky rules, the smaller rinks and the soft boards. But despite 100 teams in seven divisions, they've combined the high "A" level with the low "B" level, creating an incredibly broad range of team quality.

We finished the regular season 13th out of 20, which a team of mostly rookies and sophomores should be proud of. But looking at all the blowout scores throughout the league, it seems like CSC should separate the A and B teams. Brian suggested we find a new league next year, but if that's not viable, maybe we should just try a different night, one with fewer Cooterite dynasties.

Random stats

- Good sign: Our record of 2-4-1 is identical to the Muskies' first kickball season.

- Dave remained the scoring leader with 4 goals, despite playing only twice. Brian, Scott, Jaki and I are tied for second with 3 each. Dave had 2.0 goals per game played; Brian was a distant second with 0.6.

- Not a stat, but getting the tar kicked out of us four times has made us better. If we had faced Cooter's a few weeks ago, it may have been worse than 11-0.

This isn't over. We leared tonight that a bonus game is in our future if we ask for it. Details to come.

Muskellunge 5, Meconium 0

The other team started the game one man short, and only one of them had shoes. "Hey Holly," I said. "Keep stirring that barrel -- we don't want the fish to freeze."

For once, we got to be the dominant team, playing a mostly offensive game and almost giving goalie Sean the night off. It was nice to be able to use teamwork and strategy without getting bulldozed. Hopefully we can use what we learned next week. I thought it worked well to have a boy on defense and a girl forward.

We quickly went up 5-0, starting with Kevin's first two team goals. Then came the moment: The first-ever girl goal in Muskie history. Holly was the lucky girl, with a Scott-style long-distance luck shot from the center line. Kudos!

Not to be outdone, Scott went ahead and delivered the knockout punch, so to speak, slicing open a Meconium girl's face with a slightly high stick. Blood poured all over the ice, freezing in a morbid puddle for all to see. I was standing right there and at first I thought he slit her throat. The rest of their girls escorted her to the hospital for stitches, and the game was effectively over. Best of luck to her.

Side note: Now how do you feel about getting a helmet and facemask? That's what I thought. Go to Play It Again this weekend; you might find something serviceable in the used bin. The only reason I haven't gotten a mask is that my cranium is huge and I can't find anything used, so I'll have to buy something new for $100. In the meantime, I'm tempting fate. Think about it.

With the game aborted, Jaki, Holly and the ref joined the other team, and we played a surprisingly competitive and robust 20-minute scrimmage that ended 2-2. That included a Jaki goal for the other team, so maybe it was like 3-1 Muskies.

Ever a gentleman, Dave's brother Paul held back from doing much real damage, preferring to give the rest of us the glamorous work, but still showing off such snazzy moves as his "hand-pass to yourself" and his magical "keep away" ball control.

GOALS (first half)

Kevin: 2
Jaki: 1
Holly: 1
Paul: 1

Second half goals that didn't count:

Simon: 1
Scott: 1
Jaki: 1 (for the other team)

We finish the regular season with a 2-3-1 record, and this win catapults us to 13th place in a field of 20 -- not half-bad for a rookie team! My best guess is that this means we play the 4th-place team -- the storied Bunny's Muni's (4-0-2) -- for the first round of the playoffs next week. Stay tuned for confirmation.