Bandits 9, Muskies 1

Well, wasn't that fun?

We are in a freefall, too inexperienced and simply unable to put it together. The other teams get better as the season progresses, but our growth chart seems to stay roughly flat. Each of our three losses has been to a team that entered the game with a worse record and came out with a better one. If these are the losing teams in the league, who needs the winners? And how did we manage to win that one game 7-6? If anyone can remember, let me know.

The thing is, we can't even get any shots on goal. We scuffle around like flailing monkeys, temporarily clearing the ball into the offensive zone, then watching it come right back. Scott, again with our only goal of the game, did it on a totally lucky shot from center ice that the goalie waved at weakly. But you know what? You know that giant mesh tent over there? At least he sent a ball vaguely in the direction of it!

We did this, what, three times? I don't know whether it's great to be Sean, because he gets a lot of save opportunities and racks up a nice percentage (for broomball), or whether it sucks to be Sean, because the experience is basically like being stoned by a gang of construction workers on meth. (This reminds me of the story of the the girl goalie from Cloquet who did nothing but get pelted all night, racking up a goddess-like .954 save percentage and losing 0-1 all the time, but always kept a good attitude.) I do know one thing: We pretty much don't deserve him.

Ah, but Dave's injured. But could Dave have single-handedly turned 5-1 and 10-1 losses into wins or at least ties? Now if anyone could do that, it's him, but I'm not sure our record would be any different if he were healthy right now.

So anyway, with Jenny out with the flu, we still didn't get to have a girl sub, so we were on defense for the whole game once again. I switched places with Liz for a few minutes, and that seemed to help a little, until she got golfed in the face pretty severely, making her especially attractive to Angelina Jolie fans for the next few days. When Liz got back on the ice, she came damn close to a goal of her own at one point.

Then the part that I feel pretty bad about in my recovering-Catholic way. I somehow fell prostrate against the boards, fighting for the ball against a Bandita. I finally cleared it after four hacks, and tried to get up. But she was standing in between my legs, so I half-consciously, half-clumsily took her down while getting up. I think there's a line between rough and dirty. Down 8-1 and pretty roughed up myself, I was trying to make something, anything happen, so I chose not to tiptoe around her. She didn't like that, so she whacked me in the shins, twice, drawing a penalty. What do you think, was I wrong? Go ahead and criticize me at will.

We've got one more game in the regular season, and it will be our greatest challenge yet: A team that is 0-5 as of last night. A real meeting of the minds. Let's have some fun, try to win a game and end the regular season on a note. Perhaps even a high note.

And thanks for playing with the Muskellunge. It's been worth it for me; hopefully also for you.

Winter schedule (updated)

Our season schedule has been updated, with the postponed Jan. 2 game moved to Feb. 6. All games are on Mondays at the Icebox.

Dec. 19: Muskies 4, Sofa King 4
Jan. 9: Rink Rats 9, Muskies 2
Jan. 16: Muskies 7, Sweepers 6
Jan. 23: Newmanators 5, Muskies 1
Jan. 30: 9:40 p.m. vs. Bandits (1-3)
Feb. 6: 6 p.m. vs. meconium all-stars (0-4)
Feb. 13: First round of playoffs, TBA. (Brian gone.)
Feb. 20: Final all-night tournament, if we win on Feb. 13.

Notes:

- Here I go again: Our two remaining regular-season opponents have a combined record of 1-7. What does that tell us? Nothing. But at least we'll have a fighting Muskie chance.

- If we win the next two, we can get decent seeding for the first round on Feb. 13, which is set up as a 16-team tournament. Right now we are No. 15 (out of 20) but we have a chance to get up to No. 8 or 9.

- If we get to Feb. 20, I'll consider that a bonus. But Brian will be teaching Mexican schoolchildren about broomball on Feb. 13, so we'll have to figure out what to do then.

Newmanators 5, Muskellunge 1

Ouch. Consider us Newmanated. Nothing really worked tonight. It is clear that we Muskies really have yet to find ourselves as a team without Dave. This performance made our 7-6 win last week look like a lot of dumb luck by comparison. This probably serves as some kind of lesson about going into a game overconfidently.

We started off telling each other that we wanted to improve on defense and limit the other guys' shots. But that doesn't explain how we lost 5-1 to a team that was 3-8 over the last 13 months. It doesn't explain how we have consistently given up an incredibly high average of 5.5 goals per game despite very good goaltending. It doesn't explain how three of our four opponents have had their best offensive games of the season against us. And it doesn't explain how we only managed one score of our own -- a season low.

Back to the drawing board...

Play of the game: Scott scored our sole goal by practically sliding into the crease. It was beautiful. We couldn't get any shots off in the conventional manner.

Dave of the Week: Eli was incredibly fast out there in his broomball debut. Somebody get this boy some D-Gels and hospitalization coverage, stat!

Muskies 7, Sweepers 6

With a minute to go, Brian flipped the ball over the red defender's head at center ice and toward me, all alone in the offensive zone. I reached up and snatched destiny out of mid-air, set it on the ice and fired away. And the Muskies had our first-ever broomball win.

This one was a true team effort, and it looks like we might be on track to eventually figuring out how to play this broom game. We met our match in the Sweepers (1-2) and we just barely came ahead.

As the ghost of Dave watched from the Sample Room, we improved our passing game, our defense and our shooting. Early on we allowed too many situations where the goalie was completely unprotected, but Sean handled it well. Liz and Jenny were tenacious D, winning many battles, but we all have to figure out how to cover the defensive zone more.

It was 3-3 at the half, courtesy of my shot from center ice that snuck in under everyone's legs to tie it. In the second half we quickly went down 5-3, but then four different Muskies scored, including Scott with his first goal ever.

Play of the game: As a Sweeper charged the net, Brian came from behind with a baseball slide to take out the ball.

Low point: The Sweepers center made it 4-3 in the first five seconds of the second half, mowing down the entire team in the process. It looked like air hockey.

Key player: Goaltending was the difference, as Sean took countless shots. He smothered or deflected most of them (one save came right off his mask). Meanwhile, we didn't have quite as many shots, but we made them count.

Rookie of the week: Kevin D., wearing Dave's stuff, sure looked like a seasoned player, even though he said he hadn't played hockey since childhood. Welcome aboard, Kevin.

Goal 1: Brian
Goal 2: Jaki
Goal 3: Simon
Goal 4: Scott
Goal 5: Brian
Goal 6: Jaki
Goal 7: Simon

Season goal totals
Dave: 4
Brian: 3
Simon: 3
Jaki: 2
Scott: 1

Panic

As almost everyone already knows, our star player Dave broke his tibia while playing on another of his teams on Saturday. Broke it clear in half. Minneapolis recreational broomball has lost one of its most dynamic players for the season. We all wish him a speedy recovery (six weeks, we're told).

He apparently did it while attempting his signature trick move which I have been so enamored by: that instantaneous drop to his knees to execute a horizontal power swing. Wow. Guess I won't try that anymore, although I did pull it off in practice once.

On the bright side, this just forces an issue that exists with or without Dave: We need to learn how to play better as a team.

More importantly, we need some new warm bodies. I would like two more permanent boys and at least two more part-time girls. The first ones to show up, play, and commit to the rest of the season will be in.

BOYS: Dave is loaning his shoes and gear to Eli A., a hockey player, who will try to be there Monday. Other options Dave suggested are Kevin D. and Dave's brother. Meanwhile, Jaki will ask his other team if any guys want to play.

GIRLS: Liz is out next week and we require a fill-in. Rumors persist that Jaime may try on Liz's gear. Steph from Bomb Squad is reportedly interested, but won't be here next week or Jan. 30.

So let's retool, play a game, have fun, and see where we need to go from here.

Rink Rats 9, Muskies 2

Oh. On the bright side...

As a new team, we kind of needed the chance to learn about our weaknesses, in full-on bloody, graphic detail. And that would not have been possible, if the league had not suddenly, inexplicably switched our scheduled opponent only a day or two earlier. We were originally going to play a team that loses more often than not; instead we got the Rink Rats, who played in and lost the Monday championship last year. Did I mention our starting goalie was out of town?

The Rink Rats ran circles around us: They passed, they got to the ball first, they cut off our shots, they got all the breaks. They spun us around, we all fell down, and their forward girl poked ball after ball into the net. On particularly slick ice, I felt like I couldn't do anything right. Fortunately Dave punched a couple goals in in the first half so it wasn't a perfect blowout. He made many more shots.

In the second half, it got worse: Jenny was drilled in her tender, unprotected belly, and had to leave the ice. Since the outcome was not in doubt, the ref let us play 5 guys/1 girl after that, but it didn't matter. Another highlight: Liz was left guarding the goal near the end, and made her first save -- off her face.

By the way, the team we were originally scheduled to play lost 8-0 on the other rink to another elite team. So there could have been two competitive games, but the league changed it to two blowouts.

Goals: Dave (2)

So, uh, what do we need to do better?

Postponed

What? A little water on the playing surface doesn't seem to bother these South African broomball girls:



Maybe they will tour Mandela's prison and one of them will become America's Next Girl Muskie.

The Jan. 2 game presumably moves to Feb. 6. I'll update the schedule when I know.