Kickball Ten Commandments

A reading from the email of Simon Peter to the Muskies:

Dearest Muskovites, thanks to the recent fusion of extreme sports, the Olympics and the Old Testament, I have received the following Ten Commandments of Kickball via divine inspiration. Let my people score!

These are the basic laws from the kickball gods that we need to follow in order to win. Print this out, tack it to the wall by your computer, and recite it daily. Yes this will be on the test, and yes it will count toward our final record.

KICKBALL TEN COMMANDMENTS

I. Thou shalt stretch and/or warm up.

II. Thou shalt always run hard to first base, even if you think it is a foul or an easy out.

III. Honour thy first-base coach and thy third-base coach.

IV. Thou shalt always look for an opportunity to advance an extra base.

V. Thou shalt not fail to "tag up" on a caught ball with zero or one out before advancing to the next base.

VI. Thou shalt know what is and what isn't a forceout.

VII. Thou shalt try to make the easiest out first, unless the game is on the line.

VIII. If you field a ball in the outfield, for the love of G-d, get it back to the infield quickly if there are baserunners. (Teammates should get into relay positions.)

IX. Thou shalt not throw at a runner unless 2 of these 3 criteria are met: a) it is a sure thing; b) it is a last resort; and/or c) there are no other baserunners. (Teammates should back up your throw.)

X. Thou shalt not foul off the tee.


Now, if I return from Mount Sinai and find you worshipping false kickball strategies, I will smash these tablets over the pitching rubber.

P.S. Secondary commandments (not cardinal rules but still important):
11) Thou shalt not have strange captains before me; 12) Thou shalt not take the umpire's name in vain; 13) Thou shalt not commit unadulterated errors; 14) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's fly ball, i.e. "call it in the air;" 15) Remember the Game day and keep it holy; 16) Thou shalt not steal bases; 17) Thou shalt not covet thy baserunner's maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass; 18) Thou shalt not "kill" a runner by throwing at his head; 19) Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy teammate; 20) Thou shalt offer thyself as a sacrifice to advance runners.